Insert Clever Title Here

So, I have been home 24 hours.

Momma is amazing and is (as I ~~hoped~~ knew) whipping my children into shape. She brooks no crapulence* and the Tiny Tyrant doesn’t seem to have realised what has hit her!!!

(I’m not loving it at all oh no 😂🤣)

Things That Have Been Achieved:

She has sorted out my house – and I am so grateful. It’s hard to see the wood from the trees with small people underfoot. It wasn’t a mess when she arrived, but there is now significant organisation!
She has pushed the children’s respective bedtimes back by an hour – and they are not waking up earlier!!!!
TT’s tantrums and attempts at manipulating Mommy-Nanny (her name for my mom) are mostly met with a raised eyebrow or a laugh – and the affront is hilarious
#1 Son is eating new things! I cannot begin to describe the relief. Today as a “just got home from school” snack he ate three rounds of cheese spread and turkey ham sandwiches and then at dinner time ate: pasta (plain with some butter and grated cheese), cucumber, and chopped up frankfurters. Okay, he didn’t eat the carrot but we didn’t expect any so this is amazing!!! TT will eat regular food if she isn’t distracted, but this is such an amazing occurrence.

Basically, as my Mothership has seen it all before and hasn’t lived with them, (and therefore beyond the SEN concerns with #1 Son) doesn’t have my “tried it, it won’t work” fears, we are losing nothing by trying. And really its mostly TT – #1 Son is a good boy at heart and not a demon wearing human skin 😂🤣

Today I have managed to get up and have a little wander four times. The remaining post-surgical wall has been breached** and I have only taken two doses of Motrin and one of Percocet (and if it continues this well, I have hopes of not finishing my Percocet prescription.)

I learned a lot from my laparoscopies, and the main thing was DON’T BLOODY OVERDO IT

So, as yet I have picked up nothing heavier than my phone, the 3DS or the Switch. I have attempted to knit/crochet through the power of my mind, but sadly my powers of telekinesis remain dormant.

I also have only napped in two 1-hour stretches as I want to sleep at night!

I received this beautiful bouquet from my in laws today:

Flowers

THANK YOU 😘😘😘😘😘

And my knitting group have banded together to bring me meals every so often over the next week or so – home cooked at that! Tonight’s was vegetarian lasagne and this confirmed carnivore thought it was delicious 👍🏻

*My Daddy coined that term in a phone call earlier this week 😂🤣

**This is my polite way of indicating I managed a #2

A trying week

It hasn’t been great this week. It’s one of those tales that if I’d read on say “Hurrah for gin” I’d chuckle and think, thank goodness it’s not me.

But yeah.

I can’t pinpoint all of it but it has consisted of:

Wall Art:

TT has drawn on the walls almost every day this week. Yesterday, I took #1 Son downstairs to J for her to take him to school. Daddy upstairs on the sofa with TT.

I come back up. SHE HAS DRAWN ON THE WALL. Daddy didn’t see her do it. He was sat in the room! This made me feel so much better as I’ve been feeling like I’ve been going blind or mad not seeing it.

¿¿¿Porque no los dos???

So, used over half a tub of wipes scrubbing that off.

Then, we had to pick #1 son up from school because our lovely J had an appointment. Ten minutes before we were due to leave, I actually caught her mid-scribble on the same bit of wall.

Incandescent did not cover it. I shouted, raged and made her watch me throw the crayon in the bin.

I then cleared away all of the remaining crayons I could find. Or so I thought…

You know what’s coming right?

This morning I caught her standing up in her bed, with a piece of crayon – and she had drawn all over the two walls.

This time rage didn’t cover it. I have made her stand there watching me whilst I snapped and binned an entire pack of the bloody crayons.

Expensive? Probably (but Santa got some good Amazon deals) Cathartic? Most definitely. Done any actual measurable good? Meh, who knows?

I’ve told the hus-creature that he needs to get something more heavy duty than what I’ve been using. My hands are shot, my nails this close to wrecked, and I’ve used over an entire tub of wipes.

She just came into the room and asked for kee-ons (crayons)

Rooms:

I had gotten all the new Christmas stuff packed away and sorted on Monday. Their rooms were amazing.

By the end of the day? Oh gods.

Then on Wednesday the following:

#1 Son had a half day. When he came home, he was sporting more marker pen on his face. About two hours after he came home, I noticed his palms were blue. I asked why. I got a shrug.

I later caught him trying to turn the sofa into its bed form. I sent him to his room for that one. He knows to leave that alone for safety. After a couple of minutes, I went in to check on him. To be greeted with:

That would be a refill from a Crayola Marker Maker set.

Again, incandescent with fury. Not because it happened – I can accept it happened. But because he had had at least two opportunities to tell me about it and he didn’t.

There’s only so much I will let him get away with – this is not one of those things.

Thankfully, Crayola do not lie when they say “washable”. Ten minutes scrubbing with floor wipes and it is gone. Thank god for wooden flooring.

The snow:

It can bugger off back to Hades now thank you very much. As previously mentioned, I had to go pick up #1 Son from school yesterday. That’s fine think I, the sidewalks have been shovelled, it’s warming up a bit.

Oh no. Puddles. Sidewalk lakes. TT thought it was great. Up until I got the pram (stroller) stuck in a narrow corridor of snow.

More. Than. Once.

Honestly if you are shovelling – make it wide enough for a goddamn stroller. Oh and let’s not talk about whoever shovelled off a crossroads and blocked off the sidewalk. So I had to walk in the road for half a block til we could mount the kerb again.

And everyone who beeped me? May the fleas of 1,000 camels infest your underwear drawer.

My feet were sodden. TT was grumpy, but we got to school on time.

Only to be told he has spent a good part of the afternoon in the principal’s office

🙄🤭😢🙄🤭😢🙄🤭😢🙄🤭😢

I’m waiting for an email as to why. But I didn’t get called in, so whatever it was, it could have been worse I suppose…

I have made enquiries as to how we go about registering him in the after school club – it will come in handy for days like yesterday, and give him vital socialising opportunities. Apparently you can pre-register and then, in some manner, drop off on the day. That’s handy.

But it has not been all bad: Today he came home with this:

I’m bloody proud.

And I needed it today. Today (thanks to Timehop) I’m really homesick. I don’t like it, and I need it to feck orf.

Yarn therapy is the order of the day/evening.

Back to normality

Well mostly. Tomorrow is a half day for #1 Son. I don’t know why. Just because I think.

He also gets Monday off next week because it’s Martin Luther King Day.

But the school system here has much shorter holidays and no “half terms” so I don’t begrudge the random days. It’s part of the reason I’m not rushing the work stuff.

While I still doubt my domestic goddessing skills, it is pleasant being home with the kids. I’m actually watching TT grow, and know I can take credit for her development rather than feeling guilt.

I do miss working, but I’m makes tentative steps to earn some pennies at home – but I’m still blocked by not having an SSN, which I can’t apply for until my permit is actually in my hands. We did however have confirmation today that this is actually in the post now!!!

W00t w00t!!!!

Yesterday #1 Son came home with this:

REACH Star? Wahey 😃😃😃😃

“Pirate mask”? 😫😫😫😫😫😫

He did not appreciate the bath and face (and chest) scrubbing he received in a vain attempt to remove them. He believed he was face painting. And apparently we cannot convince him that scented colouring markers are not the same as face paints 🙄🙄🙄

Today wasn’t as good. Apparently he refused to leave school (I know right? 🙀🙄) so our lovely J went in to get him.

His teacher believes that it is because he loves to play in the snow, but refuses to wear his boots, therefore his socks get wet. We are to provide either snow boots or spare socks.

He is convinced there are “bugs” in his current Wellington boots, and we cannot convince him otherwise.

I have been known to complain about the speed of USPS in comparison to good old Royal Mail. This was underlined today, when my Christmas present from my lovely sister in law (you may pick a blog nickname if you like lovely 😂🤣) finally arrived.

Worth. The. Wait.

A wonderful alpaca yarn sock knitting kit. With pattern, and new (wooden) needles and pettable, snuggleable alpaca yarn.

I was actually able to sit on the sofa and knit tonight. I am braving the hedgehog that is knitting in the round with double pointed needles to do this.

I think someone was jealous of my pettable yarn – she doesn’t normally sit on my lap like that 🤣😂

It knits up so fast too 💕💕💕

My other pair of socks has had to be shelved for now until I can replace the circular needle I was using – an unknown child snapped one of the needles 🙄

This pair of bloody socks is cursed I swear!

So at least I have a non-shawl project for tomorrow’s knitting class.

And TT? Well she has re-discovered crayons. And walls. Green crayon comes off of painted walls much easier than red or yellow.

Ask me how I know.

Bright side? Yellow is much harder to see at least 😢

Oh, and she found her pretty cloth nappies, which I hadn’t used since we moved, as they arrived by sea crate and I presumed she had outgrown them but couldn’t bear to part with them…

Well, she filled her bed with them, then waved one at me and insisted I put it on her.

Cue much running around the house shouting “Nappy. Yay”

So we will try them again during the day at least – she pees far too much at night!

After all, what else can you do with a sock and trouser refusing toddler?

Dresses and ruffled nappies!

I need a new diaper pail though.

Battling the Hordes

Well, two children anyway.

TT isn’t bad when she’s away from her brother – she will eat pretty much anything I have. And usually off of my plate at that.

(Well admittedly she discovered yesterday that as yet she doesn’t like Camembert 🤣😂) #sorrynotsorry

But when she’s with #1 Son? Oh lord she’s as bad as he is.

And he is bad. I’ve resorted to something my smug, pre-parent, child-free self (and lord do I want to go back in time and smack her around the head with a clue-by-four) swore that she would never do that is: hidden vegetable food.

There’s a brand of kids-only ready meals here that so far include:

Cheese pasta
Cheesy quesadillas
Chicken sticks

And they all contain hidden vegetables! The two cheese based ones contain puréed carrots and the chicken sticks contain cauliflower and onions!!!

And tonight #1 Son cleared his plate!!!

TT only ate half of her portion (each child had 5 chicken sticks and 5 potato smiley faces) but she came toddling through announcing “mmmmmmmmm nummy chikkin” so I count it as a win.

Yes both children do take a daily gummy multi vitamin (as do we actually) but it’s not the same.

However other things are currently more of a trial with TT at the moment.

Teeth Brushing:

For example, did you know that fluoridated toothpaste is not a standard thing over here?

Or mint flavoured toothpaste?

Well for children at least – adults apparently have to lump it.

But this leads me to ponder – the transition from sweet/fruity flavoured toothpaste to harsh mint flavoured ones must totally shock the system. I know it did for me, and it’s why, whilst in the UK, I never bought the children the fruity flavoured ones – I didn’t want to deal with that.

However, we’ve now run out of appropriate-aged mint toothpastes for them.

As it turned out, when the hus-creature realised this, the only open supermarket was Whole Paycheck* and so the only fluoridated (because organic hippies) toothpaste was a $12 WildBerry thing.

Which #1 Son loves but has wasted a fair amount of. It’s also way too fluoridated for TT to use.

So last week he picked up a basic BubbleFruit one from Colgate for her.

And yes it is what it sounds like – bubblegum plus artificial fruit flavour

And it would seem that TT concurs with me, as every night this week we have had screams of “no teeth, no teeth” and sobbing, flailing tantrums.

We will be trying something else this week coming, because I cannot deal with it, and am terrified that she will get a complex.

Nap time:

She had been trying to drop naps before we got rid of the baby jail. Now she can get out at will?

Which would be fine, if she wasn’t awake by 7am (and I’m being generous there) and therefore total demon-spawn-hell-beast by 3pm if she does not nap.

So I am trying a very mature approach.

Bribery and corruption.

I’m putting her in her room, in her bed, with a bottle of milk… and a tablet! She dozes off reasonably quickly and stays asleep for about an hour.

However, my evil genius membership forms are yet to be sent off, because her tablet has been.

Sent back to Amazon I mean. Because she shattered the screen.

So she’s borrowing #1 Son’s at the moment.

World War has yet to break out…

Watch this space.

*Ahem, sorry Whole Foods

And then she was two

Two years ago, after a hellish induction, I was staring in wonderment at the most beautiful baby girl in the world.

No, really, no other baby girl was ever this pretty. (The most beautiful baby boy in the world ever had been born three years prior you see).

And now? She’s two.

She’s a stroppy, opinionated, smart, strong bundle of amazingness, and I am the luckiest mama bear ever.

She had her new big girl bed as her main present from us:

With bedding from nanny and granddad and Lola-dog.

(Happy gotcha day Lola-dog)

We then added Aunty Harri’s canopy:

Whereupon she began practicing for the teenage years early.

She bloody loves the bed.

She did refuse to nap though, which ended in her passing out on me at around 15:30:

We then had cake when she woke up – well, when I woke her – she was not impressed. Aunty H came to join us for cake and TT ended up covered. So we had a bath.

With new toys. And bath markers.

Which she ruined by pooping in the bath 🙄🙄🙄

Then we put her to bed. For the first time. And, well, it was not as successful as it was for #1 Son.

TT on the other hand, was up and out before daddy finished reading her bedtime story!!!

She was then up and rattling the door handle after daddy left the room. I resettled her then.

When #1 Son went to bed she was still awake!!!! BUT was under the covers and stayed there while I went to get another bottle (that she requested).

We checked on her at 21:00 and she was asleep, still in bed, and mostly under the blanket. She had unilaterally decided no more sleeping bags dammit. We shall see how this goes – it’s bitterly cold right now, and duvets are not a thing for toddlers here it seems.

When we checked on her whilst getting #1 son up for his middle of the night wee, she was fast asleep, with that second bottle untouched which was great.

I can hear her occasionally drinking from her second official bottle through the monitor.

All in all, not as good as I hoped, but as well as I expected. Well, apart from the poop 🙄

Also, after we washed her hair, through judicious application of tablet, I was able to completely blow dry her hair, which left her rocking the Smokey Quartz (rather than Amethyst) look:

And the curls are dropping out at last!

Christmas Aftermath

Well the children have been thoroughly spoiled and I am so so grateful.

Firstly, it seems Santa got a tad confused and left presents in two places:

The kids were gobsmacked, and TT loved her “pin-gin” paper 💕💕💕

The Big Man listens you know 😂🤣

🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻

But why all this play food and sets you wonder? Because someone dropped a line to him on what her “main” present was going to be:

(Can I admit that I’m more than slightly jealous? 😂🤣)

She has spent all day playing with it, with various play foods. I have extracted her lunch pizza from a pot on the hob, and most play foods have ended up in the freezer compartment!

Not to be outdone, #1 Son has completed construction of his main Lego set:

Even without the stickers he appears as pleased as Punch.

Tomorrow TT turns two. Tonight is therefore the last night for her in her cot.

Tomorrow she gets her first “Big Girl” bed.

Part of me is really sad about this. But she’s growing up. She’s not a baby anymore.

Christmas Day (2017)

Oh what a wonderful day we’ve had.

Santa visited:

#1 Son loves his Lego’s. Not so much his crayons and similar. Ah well.

TT was really happy with her hair bows and dinosaurs and other similar items.

We then had breakfast. TT ended up trying my scrambled eggs with smoked salmon, and she bloody loved it!!!

🙄🙄🙄🙄😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

She cleared that plate! We also watched squirrels for a bit.

After breakfast we opened presents.

As previously mentioned, we left a lot of presents behind, but as a result the kids really enjoyed what they opened.

Lunch was awesome:

Pork with cranberry sauce and stuffing – yum! (Too much turkey previously consumed)
Macaroni cheese
Sliced potatoes – with herbs and other yummies
Crab cakes

TT stole a crab cake and scoffed it before we even noticed 😂🤣 and these were tasty cakes (wasabi mayo etc). Guess she’s taking after us more than her brother.

Then came dessert:

Chocolate peanut pie
Key lime pie

So. Good.

I don’t really like British traditional puddings of Christmas time – mince pies, Christmas pud & Christmas cake etc, so this was amazing for me.

TT stuck her hand in pie 🙄

We shouted.

The dog barked and barked a lot. She was defending TT against us 😂🤣

So she got cuddles and we were forgiven by her loyal Guard of Honour!

TT also had a whale of a time just generally:

Yep, that’s a stocking on each foot 😂🤣

Aunts Domi and Uncle Gary kindly took the kids out for a brief walk with Fluffy (the dog) and they had a really lovely time. The wagon was involved.

We just had a little rest as wow it’s tiring:

I have read a few chapters of one of my presents:

Which is bloody brilliant and hilarious and everyone should read it. Certainly every parent who worries that they aren’t “doing it right”

Because we are – it’s hard and we are doing okay 😘

We are now watching Ozark for an hour or so’s downtime then bed.

MERRY CHRISTMAS ONE AND ALL

🎅🏻💕🎅🏻💕🎅🏻💕🎅🏻💕🎅🏻💕🎅🏻💕🎅🏻💕🎅🏻💕

As children grow

It leaves you joyful but saddened.

The Tiny Tyrant is our last baby. I’m due to be spayed in less than 2 months.

It was always the plan. I’m happy with my children. My family is complete. I cannot hack being pregnant – I’m basically ill and stressed out for 40 weeks. TT nearly killed me by the end of pregnancy with her.

And with my medical issues I’m bloody lucky to have one child, let alone my perfect pigeon pair.

But she’s two in a week.

And she’s growing so fast.

Things she is now doing:

She’s now consistently switching from mummy to mum and from daddy to dad.
She’s saying “fank” instead of “ta”
“Duddle” is being replaced with “hug”
The question “what do we say?” is most often met with “peeeees”
Talking in proper sentences – “I hurt it my finger”
Attempting to count to 10 – she’s mostly reliable up to 5 already.
Opinions – oh the opinions 😬😬😬😬
Her birthday present is a bed.
When daddy said night night to her just now, she immediately began fake snoring 😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂🤣

Whilst I am so so proud of her, and of my boy too, I’m sad.

I won’t ever know another baby. I won’t see the firsts again.

I know I am incredibly lucky I am blessed, and believe me I don’t take it for granted. I’m just nostalgic tonight.

So – here are my babies as babies 💕💕💕

Not to be outdone

By her brother, TT was completely hysterical and inconsolable from 1-2am

I brought her into our bed to calm down but we got poked, slapped, pinched, “hello hello mommy/daddy” and “shhhhhhhhhh”‘d at until we gave up and put her back in the cot at 2.

She settled seemingly easily (I should have been more suspicious) and we got up at the normal time and I went in to get her up.

Only to be greeted by a scene from The Exorcist 🤢

So it’s been a double bath day for both kids. But honestly you would not know she’s been sick.

This was filmed at 09:09:

Hop the bunny

I didn’t know she knew that bunnies hopped!

Whilst I am following the normal sickness bug protocols just in case, I am mostly putting it down to irritated gut from all the screaming.

She has not been happy with following the BRAT diet all day.

I also introduced her to Simon’s Cat in an attempt to save my sanity today.

There has since been a constant litany of “more cat”, “more kitty” or “more bunny”.

It’s been a long day.

I also had an appointment with my primary care doctor at 11:15. Ostensibly for a medication review.

I’m not certain he has prescribed me anything for my professed (and finally admitted) anxiety but he has definitely given me a prescription for blood pressure medication.

Yes, I have hypertension.

Deep joy.

I have been suffering from blinding headaches off and on for over a month and finally I admitted that the hus-creature was correct to nag me about it as it could not just be put down to “late Zoladex jab”

My lovely doctor man concurred with this, and I need to return at 09:45 on Monday December 11th to see if it’s improving.

I was still waiting for over an hour to see him though….

This is not the shining example that is being touted across the pond…

I mean it’s good, at least if you have insurance, don’t get me wrong, but it’s flaws are incredibly similar to those I have experienced within the NHS.

Also, the pharmacy did not have the required medicaments. They offered to send it to another pharmacy, but I needed to get home so that the hus-creature could get into work for the afternoon. Also, it was sent as an electronic prescription so I’m not certain I trust it to be sent along, and I’m not entirely sure where any other pharmacies are locally.

All good fun.

Quiet Toddlers

Are suspicious evil toddlers.

An hour or so ago TT wandered through saying “wet mommy wet”

Her sleeves were a bit damp, and given she has the occasional (disgusting) habit of dipping toys in the toilet if we do not keep the lid down I just grumbled, wiped her down and didn’t investigate.

Only to be greeted with roaring from the hus-creature fifteen or so minutes ago.

As the little sod had upended my (one litre) thermos that I use for overnight water drinking all over the bed.

It had soaked through:

The duvet
The mattress protector
Straight through the whole bloody mattress.

So my mother in law (god bless her) is currently lying on our bed, reading a book, and blow drying the flipped over and rotated mattress in an attempt to dry it enough to allow us to sleep.

We had only flipped it two days ago. And it is still new. Goddamn.