Great Wolf Lodge – Part the First

So, after a lot of stress from various home quarters we are here. It’s… impressive.

I’ve never been to Butlins or Centre Parcs, but honestly? I cannot see how it could be better.

Check in was at 4pm, but from 1pm you can have access to the water parks! Also, as everything is indoor, it’s warm and non weather-dependent.

Cue two ecstatic small children.

We basically splashed, slid, swam, and played for two hours whilst our room was gotten ready.

#1 Son went down massive water slides – a major improvement on last summer; and TT is, basically, a fish.

So far we have only explored half of the area, but even in the small swimming area there’s several flumes, slides and a current area for rubber rings (provided) and swimming.

#1 Son went round that by himself. Obviously the hus-creature stayed in the general vicinity, but he didn’t need us, which is fantastic.


Basically we split into two teams – one parent with one child, and TT is basically my shadow whenever she is unsure of her surroundings


And, amazingly, TT wanted a go. So around and around we went, occasionally switching children, because my god is it tiring even with TT in a floatie.

As for the room itself? We are in the classification known as Wolf Den which is standard for a family of 4.

The kids have a little enclosed nook with a bunk bed,


Yes there was a power struggle for the top bunk, no we didn’t allow TT to win it!


And their own little tv – which we have tuned in to Cartoon Network and have declared it done. But honestly? I don’t anticipate us using it much. There’s just so much to do here.

We’ve paid for two premium packages:

    Wolf Pass – for #1 Son. It’s impressive and he gets a significant amount of extras thrown in:
  1. Unlimited rock climbing
  2. One game of mini golf
  3. One game of bowling
  4. One Harry Potteresque game that he and I will do together – he gets a wand and there’s loads of interactive stations all around the resort (I’ve already seen teenagers playing it 🙀)
    Pup Pass for TT – her only “extra” that her brother doesn’t get is one Build A Bear stuffed toy.

So what did she choose? Out of all of the options available to her?

Yup, not any of the bears, nor even the rainbow sloth? Nope. A shark. A bloody shark 🤣😂🤣😂

She even named it:

Yes, she’s a girl shark, called Misty. Yep, I have not one, but two Pokémon obsessed children 🤣😂

Some of the things that they both have access to include:

  1. A free 12oz candy cup – which we paid an extra $2 each to upgrade to a 16oz – #1 Son appears not to like jelly beans though 😖🙄
  2. A free scoop of ice cream, which we’ve yet to cash in on.
  3. 20 free “paw points” to spend in the arcade.
  4. A pair of GWL branded goggles each, which we will claim tomorrow.

And for anyone wondering why we upgraded the candy:

It’s been an amazing day, with 4 more to go!

Both kids are exhausted, and so are we to be honest 🤣😂


However, the room sharing has not gone as well as hoped, though no worse than feared, so the plan tomorrow is simply to wear them out as much as possible.


And I admit, both the hus-creature and myself are already in our pjs. For once we ate dinner at the same time as the kids, and we are settled in for the night. I will be astounded if we are both awake beyond 10pm.

We have paid to include food, breakfast is a separate deal, and booze is available.

Sadly our room is right next to the main play area – the rock climbing, mini golf etc so the noise level is high, but it’s closed by 22:30 and it does appear to be tailing off already.

And as a just because:

Father’s Day 2019

And other stories.

The hus-creature doesn’t tend to see the point of “Hallmark Holidays”, but after almost 2 decades together, understands that they are important to me.

He’s also impossible to surprise. No, honest to god, this has been a bone of contention in our marriage.

I, on the other hand, am oblivious enough that I failed to notice a Playstation 4, in plain sight for over two months.


I wish I were joking – alas, I am not 😳🙄😳🙄


So, how was I going to celebrate the upcoming Father’s Day? Well, for once? I WON!!!!

These arrived on Thursday:

Why yes, yes those would be bacon jerky roses. A dozen of them. Dipped in dark chocolate.

Yes, they lived in the fridge until this morning (and were in fact returned there) and he didn’t peek. The sealed silver Jiffy bag probably helped 🤣😂

He’s not opened them yet, as we head to Great Wolf Lodge tomorrow afternoon and there’s the usual “consume within 3 days” warning, so I shall try and remember to report back once they have been tried and assessed.

He had no idea. At all. He obviously knew it was something edible, but hadn’t even come close to speculating correctly.

The kids thought they were great – #1 Son found the concept of “edible flowers” hilarious, and he knows daddy loves bacon. And TT? She just wished daddy a happy birthday and handed over the gift card 🤣😂

Summer is here!

Annnnnd it’s raining. Because of course it is.

Fortunately yesterday was the last day of school and it was a half day.

We have graduated from First Grade. From this:

To this:

And honestly I could just burst with pride. He’s come along so well. I’ve read his end of year school reports and nearly sobbed. This has been the best thing we could have done for the kiddos.

So, anyway once #1 Son was safely deposited and lunch consumed, I decided to take them to the park – as a quick check of the weather app on my phone pre-informed me of the utterly shocking weather we were due to have today.

They had such fun. #1 Son was playing appropriately with other kiddos, and TT was mostly following around after;

“playing with the other one childrens”

While I knitted.

Yes, while they played, I worked on finishing a project I’ve had on the needles for almost two years. ADHD is such fun when you’re a crafter 🥺

Sadly it wasn’t all fun and games – when it came to going home for dinner, TT reminded me forcefully why going out is such a faff.


And that I should never, ever, forget (or choose not to use) the goddamn stroller 🙄🙄🙄🙄


I had to literally drag her home kicking and screaming – much to #1 Son’s chagrin. But it’s okay, we will work on that. After all, we go away for five days on Monday. I’m sure it will be absolutely fine….

Right? Right?

And, not to toot my own horn, but it’s Day 1 of the summer vacation and we’ve done all the “required reading”, ticked off four of the options for Summer Reading Bingo


Yes this is a thing, no I am not joking…


And made a start on the Math lessons – which are separate to the Summer Reading and Math logs…

I’ve got to wonder how long we will be able to keep that up…

Everyday Sexism

We all know it’s a thing. But I think we tend to assume that it is purely levelled at women.

But no, allow me to share a little anecdote from today’s little trip to the mall.

So, we had a very fury-inducing experience in TJ Max this afternoon.

I was trying on swimming costumes (we are going to Boston’s Great Wolf Lodge – a water park type thing in 8 days!) so the hus-creature was watching the kids – they were just puttering around together in the relevant aisles.

Apparently whilst I was pouting over ridiculousness in sizing labels;


Seriously how do three suits in the same size all fit so differently – two didn’t fit at all and one swamped me 🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️🤷🏻‍♀️


A Mall Security Guard came over to him to apparently assess an “unmonitored children” situation.

May I remind you, dear audience, that their FATHER was with them – in close proximity.

We do NOT leave our children unattended in department stores.

I mean seriously? We would leave TT unattended?!?!? The bill we’d be handed would be hospital level large.

And indeed #1 Son just tends to find somewhere to sit/stand quietly nowadays until we are done. So it’s just TT who needs active chasing about these days.

Apparently when said security guard got close enough to realise that there was indeed a (penis owning) adult present he started stammering:

“Oh, I’m sorry. Are these YOUR children?”

“I was concerned… well not *concerned* but they seemed…”

And other equally backtracking and ridiculous phrases.

Initially, I thought that either he took it upon himself to worry because there were children *not being attended to by a female* OR someone reported it, because OBVIOUSLY they wouldn’t be with the MALE adult in their vicinity. He must be a random stranger. Couldn’t possibly be their DAD right?!?!?

The hus-creature filled in the blanks for me a bit later**: it was apparently a middle aged white lady (with the stereotypical “I want to speak to your manager” hair) who reported my kids being with their dad as requiring security intervention.

Allow me to repeat this: she flagged down mall security on a pair of kids who had their dad with them.

Apparently these women (usually known colloquially as Karen’s) don’t just want to insist you work somewhere when you don’t and then get you fired.

And afterwards? She merely dismissed the (somewhat befuddled I suspect) security guard and carried on browsing the shelves.

I am now even more fucking furious. And given I know some lovely Karen’s do not wish to refer to her by that moniker – therefore I dub her…. Ethel.

Fuck. You. Ethel.

I find myself outraged at this.

Why the FUCK would he not be their dad?

So yes, everyday sexism doesn’t just affect those of us who are female.

Oh and while I’m here:

Its not babysitting when you’re the dad – it’s parenting your own damn kids.

Also – put baby changing stations in male bathrooms in shops and restaurants.

Ok my semi political ranting is done. We will return to the usual family life posts imminently – I need to recount the birthday party.

As there are no photos today have a gif of some puppies as a palate cleanser:


**I suspect for everyone’s safety and sanity – I was angry enough at the time. God alone knows what I might have said if I’d known she was still there