The realities of chronic illness

I have endometriosis. It is a chronic, mostly invisible, illness.

This is permanent. There is no cure. There’s nothing I can do to be “better”. It’s never going to go away.

And it’s exhausting. It’s debilitating. And it’s fucking frustrating.

We were going to go to the beach today. Except that I woke up in flare up hell so we’ve had to cancel/postpone.


The worst part of this is that I knew it was coming yesterday but I pretended it wasn’t because I believed that I could control my body through sheer force of will. Guess what? I can’t.


Fortunately we hadn’t told the kids the plan, so they AREN’T disappointed but I am. I’m just devastated.

This is actually the very first time I’ve had to cancel big plans for the kids due to pain (which is pretty bloody good I guess) and it’s had me in floods of tears today.

I’m so so SICK of being sick.

I’ve done everything I could, I’ve opted for surgery that was no goddamn cake walk, and one that has left me unable to have more children of my own should I want them.


Don’t mistake me, I’m grateful to have my babies, but the choice was denied to me. And even now, when I am at peace with the decision, sometimes that pisses me off.


And what is left to me? Nothing.  There’s nothing that anyone can feasibly offer me, because I’ve done the two things that non specialist medicals claim should cure it:

1. Have a baby

Welp, let’s unpack and examine that one further shall we? My condition was only discovered after #1 Son was born.  So, guess what?

HAVING A BABY DOES NOT CURE ENDOMETRIOSIS

I’m going to say that one more time for the people at the back there in the ‘Medical Community’

HAVING A BABY DOES NOT CURE ENDOMETRIOSIS

Or, if it somehow improved it in any noticeable way, I bloody dread to think how utterly, utterly screwed up my insides were before I conceived him.

But then along came TT, and my surgeon here who performed my hysterectomy? Isn’t even remotely surprised that I’m in flare-up 5 (well it was 4 when I saw him last month). Because, and I quote,

I saw your insides. They are a complete mess.

And that was the most recent examination of them – nobody else had actually seen them post-TT arrival.

So before I go into the prescribed treatment options, let us discuss the other ‘cure’ that the so-called medical community loves to throw out there.

2. A Hysterectomy

Please excuse me while I die of hysterical laughter.

Because, you see, considering that a very considerable sub-sect of the medical profession considers this procedure to be the Holy Grail for us Endo Warriors, they make it practically impossible for us to achieve it.

First, there’s the age-old

What if you want more children

Well now Doctor Smart Ass, if you have looked at my goddamn charts you will have seen that the two I do have are literal unexplained medical miracles.

I have replaced myself and my husband, so I’ve fulfilled any kind of biological imperative that there is in the assumed social contract.

Three, if I ever seriously do take that particular blow to the head, then hell there is always adoption.

Four, yes you know what, when I was younger I did want three children. I’m one of three. To me that was the “correct” number. But that was before. Before I learned how bloody difficult parenting truly is, and before I learned that my chances of having one child, let alone three were slim-to-none.

So I’ve heard various iterations of that particular stream of bullshit but that’s not the worst of it. Not by a long chalk. The worst one? The one that has had me incandescent with rage? The one that has had me questioning what century I’m living in?

But what if your husband wants more children?

Or:

What if your husband leaves you?

Followed by

Then what if you meet a new man and he wants children of his own?

Firstly what the fuck? What Handmaid’s Tale level of sexist, misogynistic bullshit is this?

Am I really, truly only worth the potential contents of my uterus? In 2018 (when I had the surgery)?

Secondly? If the hus-creature did leave me right now? Today? I would have much bigger problems than the potential for no children with any hypothetical new partner.

I would be being deported. So yeah, that was so far beyond my scope of worry it’s bloody laughable.

Also, my husband? Not a huge kid person. He married me knowing _I_ wanted kids, and so agreed to have two but he would have been perfectly happy being SINK/DINK so three? Nah. That wouldn’t have been on the table. Which is fine. Men get choices here too.

So I went ahead with the surgery.

Now let’s discuss that particular set of thorny problems.

I wanted a complete hysterectomy. Everything. Out.

My attitude:

Now, it took over a year of begging and pleading to be put on the blasted waiting list when we were in the U.K. having been informed it was six months for the surgery I wanted, they kept me hanging for almost an additional year, and my operation came through for a month after we emigrated.

Now I will never, ever, criticise the NHS. It’s an amazing system, the U.K. is lucky to have it but in some ways it very much lets people down.

Those of us with chronic conditions? Both physical and mental? Yeah we slip through the cracks.

I do comfort myself with the thought that me cancelling that surgery must have allowed some other equally desperate woman to have hers sooner than she had hoped.

So I came out here, met my awesome surgeon who pretty much agreed (after reading my stack of medical records) that I needed the surgery.

But even then I had to plead for the total. He wanted to leave my cervix in at least.

I did not wish to remain a high-risk candidate for cervical cancer. However once I pointed that out he agreed.


However every single time I go to see him he does ask if we left it in there – this does not fill me with confidence


So I did it. I documented it. I had 11 months of freedom.

Now it’s back. And getting worse. And I’m not sure what is left for me to do. He has some ideas, there’s some treatments upcoming – but I’ve got no spare organs left.

There’s nothing else he can cut out. I’m not ready for a colostomy bag – and anyway he’s an OBGYN not a Gastro Doctor so if there’s more in my guts it’s going to need more referrals and arguments with insurance companies


We just got the bill for my “sick visit” last month – insurance companies don’t pay for those here. They did negotiate a lower rate but it’s still $160+


And did I mention I’m tired?

Tired of being the ill one. Tired of being the strong one. Tired of having to lean on my (amazing) husband time and again. When does he get to be the tired one? Tired of scaring/upsetting/worrying my children. Tired of hearing poor TT saying

Mommy is poorly again

Tired of missing out with #1 Son because it costs too many spoons to sit in the fucking backyard let alone take him to the goddamn playground.

I’m sick of this being my life. I want it to be hyperbole. Not reality.

And I’m scared. Scared for my daughter. Scared for any potential granddaughters.

I’m not taken seriously, the cycle is going to continue. I just pray it skips my girl.

Adventures in semi-veganism

Not a title I ever thought I’d write 🙀

And no, I’m not truly vegan at all, but I had already noticed, not even really a week into these new food restrictions, that “vegan friendly” alternatives are my best bet to satiate dairy cravings.

I’m yet to try the solid “cheese” options, but so far I have under my belt:

  • Cashew milk
  • Coconut and almond creamer
  • Oat based “non dairy frozen dessert”
  • Coconut based “non dairy frozen dessert”
  • Strawberry “yogurt” – made with almond milk
  • Vanilla rice crispie treats
  • Chocolate rice crispie treats
  • Vegan butter alternative
  • One cream cheese style spread

So, I thought I would start (potentially) a series of review posts, as I explore life post anything fun.


Okay yes that is a tad dramatic I know, but it’s how it feels goddammit 🤣😂


Reviews Session 1:

So, buckle up my buttercups and let’s start with the…

Coconut and almond creamer

In a word? Vile. I picked it up because I had previously tried soy and (I think) rice milk in my tea back before and during the hysterectomy period and they were thin and horrid. So I assumed that maybe the viscosity was the problem and tried this.

That’s a no from me. I made a single cup of tea, drank it, and threw the rest of the carton in the bin. It was sweet and all kinds of wrong.

See, I’m an oddity (stop giggling at the back there) I like my tea strong. And not sweet. I basically describe it as;

Builder’s tea but hold the sugar

Which generally translates as: if the spoon stands up by itself? Then we are good.

And the problem with a significant amount of these “milk alternatives”? They are sweetened. Or at least way too sweet for my tea palette.

So my hus-creature, who as I may have mentioned is fairly gosh-darned awesome, did a little research for me and came upon this very informative blog post about milk alternatives for tea drinkers.

So we scrubbed the creamer alternative from the list, and moved on to:

Cashew Milk

I know right? How do you milk a nut? Well I’ve also been asking how you milk peas etc and I am still none the wiser 😂🤣

And honestly? As previously noted, cashew milk has been the best that I’ve tried so far. It makes my tea approximately 80% acceptable to my palette. Which is fine. I’ll go with that. It nothing else, it’s cut down on my consumption a little as there is still a slight aftertaste of “something weird and nutty where there should not be nuts” but I will be making a concerted effort to retrain my palette. It’s just going to take time.

So that’s a tick in the plus column. Oh and as it stays “good for drinking” for 7-10 days post opening if kept refrigerated? It’s not as much of a money sink as some of them.


Seriously, only one week in, and the sheer cost of these things is mind-blowing. So anything that has a vaguely decent shelf life is vital.


Next is…

School Safe Marshmallow Bars

I’m supposed to be cutting all added sugar out of my diet too but come on. That in theory means I’m not supposed to eat too much fruit either. And mostly that is solving my sugar cravings. However, I’m also a sucker for Rice Krispie treats and these were a dairy-free equivalent.

No, they aren’t marked as vegan but they are good. More specifically, the chocolate chip one is delicious. The vanilla one?

The consistency is all “off” and honestly does not taste of vanilla. All in all? To quote the great Prue Leith

Not worth the calories

I mean there’s only 90 of them but still. Also not worth the cost. All in all? Won’t be buying the vanilla ones again.

Next up is

Strawberry Almond Milk Yoghurt

Now, there will be a few of these in the days to come, as I am trying different bases (of the milk substitute) and different brands so first up is

So, as you might imagine, I’m more than a little suspicious of non dairy products of this nature, but I’m a game girl so here we go…

On first look I thought

Oh no, I hate “set” yoghurts

And it’s true, Greek style never ever appealed to me. Also the separation liquid always queases me out a touch. However, then I remembered a nifty little trick from when I was much much smaller.

You just take your spoon and stir like a complete maniac.

Et voila – smooth, unseparated yoghurt 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

And honestly? It truly was very tasty. I would happily eat this one again. I couldn’t tell any difference between this and a “normal” strawberry yoghurt. So this one gets a big thumbs up ☺️

Moving on from fridge to freezer:

Frozen Non-Dairy Desserts

I’ve tried two varieties thus far:

I needed something to deal with lack of chocolate, so the hus-creature picked this one from the coconut base end of the spectrum. Honestly?

I was underwhelmed. I mean, yes it had chocolate flavour, but not enough. Once I broke through enough to get to some of the “chocolate hazelnut swirl” it became acceptable at best.

But it does at least look the part. Next up we have:

The oat milk mint chip variety. I actually tried this one first, as I thought that it wouldn’t upset my pre-conceived ideas of ice cream too much. As it turned out, I was right. This one was pretty darned delicious.

I mean, in the interest of giving a truly honest review, it’s consistency was slightly off, and there’s definitely a porridge-like aftertaste, but overall? A darned good attempt at ice cream made from oats of all things. The chips tasted of bitter chocolate and were a pretty good size and texture and the mint wasn’t overwhelming. I most definitely preferred this to the previous one.

I’m not yet feeling brave enough to venture too far outside of my usual flavour profile comfort zone, but this weekend’s grocery shop has netted me two more varieties to try – one of which is Ben and Jerry’s Cherry Garcia in non-dairy which is a firm favourite of old, so I shall report back later once I have sampled.

And finally, two truly acid tests

Butter substitute #1

I was (and still am really) highly suspicious of all of these. And I drew the goddamn line at “I can’t believe it’s not butter” no really those adverts are stuck in my head from years ago and no I’m not encouraging that. Just no.

But this? Well it looked the part:

However, please note the description? See where it says whipped? Nope. It’s not. It’s rock solid straight from the fridge. However, it does have a consistency that allows me to scrape not-butter-curls to allow me to spread it on toast:

And honestly? It’s a bloody good facsimile of butter. I’ve eaten almost all of this week’s half loaf of Artisanal Bread


Oh dear god what have I become?

Is this now me?!?!?


So last, but by no means least is the one thing I was most scared of:

Cheese substitute

The hus-creature persuaded me that a spread type one was the best way to go, and that going straight for one with a strong additional flavour would probably help best to beat my brain into gear. So, here it is:

Interestingly, it’s the same brand as the first yoghurt I’ve tried and we should note that I did like it. I hadn’t noticed when I chose it though 🤣😂

Doesn’t look too bad does it? And actually? Yes it’s delicious. I mean I scoffed two liberally coated slices of bread yesterday and had to force myself to put it back in the fridge. This tub? Cost six dollars. But I may indulge in my baguette meal with this and I won’t want to stab my eyes out with a rusty spork.

Overall? A win. It could be so much worse.

I do still need to brave the oat milk on cereal, and *whisper it* chocolate brownie hummus.

Yes. I bought some. Yes I’m a sick and twisted (slightly hypocritical) individual but guess what? I understand it’s purpose now.

I’m still not ready yet though….

Two years

As of today we’ve been living out here, in Massachusetts, for two years!

I’d say I can’t believe it, but I can.

It still doesn’t feel quite like “home” but I’ll say it now feels more like home than not.

Apart from the people we left behind, I don’t honestly think I have any major regrets left.

There have been some very hard moments in the last 12 months. We had to deal with the first death in the family (on the hus-creature’s side) and some similarly hard news on my own and that was tough.

I suspect that if and when the next immediate family baby is born I will find that equally hard but at least that will be a good thing that has happened.

It’s the hard moments that really make you realise what you did once you emigrate.

We’ve been discussing longer term options once (please oh great Flying Spaghetti Monster) our green cards are confirmed, and it’s making me a bit antsy. I’m sure it comes as no surprise to my audience that I very much would like to move out of here as soon as is comfortably feasible.

We’ve definitely decided to stay in Melrose until TT finishes school, but then might move further into Massachusetts but we shall see.

I think it’s part of trying to handle the giant cloud of uncertainty that this process leaves over your life – planning for when it no longer will.

The children are flourishing here though. #1 Son had a birthday party yesterday that was “organised fun” and despite constant orders to

Pay attention

From the party organiser…


No the hus-creature wasn’t able to take them to one side and explain, which I find myself (probably unreasonably) annoyed by…


He was able to come home with a smile on his face and tell me that he had had fun.

We also celebrated 19 years together and 12 of them married last week.


It helps that there’s only 2 days difference I will admit 🤣😂


Due to difficulties with sitter availability we split the difference and the hus-creature took me out on a wonderful romantic dinner cruise on Thursday night ❤️🥰

We spent some quality 1 on 1 time together with food, and booze and fantabulous views and it was amazing.

I was very spoiled and felt very loved.

We are over halfway through #1 Son’s summer camp and he is still coming out with a smile on his face which is such a relief.

We’ve had some minor breakthroughs with eating but are back on the ups and downs there sadly.

(He has now decided he no longer likes peas).

Got about a month and a half to go til Second Grade, and I’m still praying he gets to keep last year’s teacher as a. She is completely amazing and b. A little bit of stability will do him good.

I’m attempting a doctor-recommended diet which we are describing as “Keto aligned” as when you tell the counter staff at Burger King that, they give you this for your lunch:

Which is surprisingly non-horrible. Basically in an attempt to get a handle on my pain I’m to give up:

  • All dairy 😰😰😰😰
  • Enriched processed food
  • All added sugar in everything (including natural sugars like honey, agave etc)

As those of you who know me in real life can probably guess, this has gone down like a lead balloon. He would also very strongly prefer that I go vegetarian, but I put my damn foot down there.

That may well be where this journey ends, but right now? No fucking way.

Tea with cashew milk is 80% tolerable I have discovered:

And one of the local sushi places does a DIY Poke Bowl for $17 which was surprisingly filling:

So all in all? I’m not at “wanting to stab things” level of anger and rage yet. Though mostly that’s down to the hus-creature who is embarking on this with me to support me. Have I mentioned how much I adore this man?

In closing? Two years has flown past.

From this:

To this:

Two weeks post-op

Well, 15 days really.

I am 99% off the Percocet, and I have a few tablets left. I’m not being a hero, I’m still taking ibuprofen but only when it’s not “stinging/burning in the incision” pain – because let’s face it, pills won’t help with that, so why take them?

I’ve had some ups and downs but as long as I take frequent rest breaks I’m doing okay.

I am wearing clothes* – and it’s amazing how good that feels. Socks still cause me issues, but the hus-creature is helping me out there.

I even took my binder off yesterday to sleep, and I’ve not put it back on!!!!

Yes it stings a bit so I’m monitoring and assessing, but it had gone from “oh my goodness I love this and I am never taking it off” to scratchy and irritating so we are seeing how we go.

I even managed to make the kids some lunch yesterday!

Our weekend was lovely. From Friday to yesterday we had a visit from the lovely Diana who has been momma’s friend for years 😁

So on Saturday they both went into Boston to do the tourist thing and paint the town red.

Sadly the duck boat wasn’t an option because of frozen rivers – it’s still bloody cold here.

They didn’t get home til after 9 ok – dirty stop outs 🤣😂🤣😂🤣😂

I kid, I kid, I was actually thrilled mom got some decent time to enjoy herself free from my kids and in adult company.

We all had a lovely time, and I’m hoping she will visit again in the summer 👍🏻😁

There was actual snow on Sunday – mom has been looking forward to big snow. It’s mostly almost melted again already.

Today they children have been playing nicely together.

This is #1 Son showing TT that his Halloween mask isn’t scary 💕💕💕

He is on schoool holidays for the rest of the week – send gin!!!

No, he’s been amazing, and is actually doing some reading and writing practice.


We have discovered if we reward bribe him with chocolate/candy after a certain amount of work he is much more receptive – whatever works!!!!


TT is being stubborn about potty training, but we will get there!

*Nothing fancy – just leggings and a t-shirt but hey, it’s clothes

A slight backslide today

Maybe I overdid it. Maybe this is normal. But I feel rotten. My stomach is sore and crampy, and my incision hurts a bit.

I have sent the hus-creature to make me a hot water bottle whilst I hide in bed. He is happy to do this. He has also made me a cup of tea and brushed my hair 💗💕

He is a lovely man person 😘

Poor old TT has had a bit of a rotten day too. She is severely constipated right now 😰 So the Mothership and I are putting our heads together to find ways of sneaking more fibre into her. I am deeply sympathetic to the poor wee thing.

#1 Son came home with a Valentine he made for me:

I’m not crying – you’re crying.

He’s so proud of it too 💕

Post Operative Check – Part the First

And happy Commercial Romance Day!

The hus-creature got me a lovely card and Haribo Gold Bears 💗💗💗


A few of which were used to bribe TT to use the potty 🙄


And while I was asleep this morning he also sent me this:

My heart and my world. 💕

My own daddy knocked it out of the park too by sending my Momma some gorgeous chocolate covered strawberries – great job dad 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

Me? I got the hus-creature a mug. See, he has developed a major taste for coffee, and needed his own* mug to take to the office

I got him the one on the right, rather than the pink one 🤣😂

And at 15:30 today (well roughly anyway) I toddled (slowly) up to see my surgeon for my first post-op checkup.

I cannot believe I am only 9 days post. Comparatively I feel great. I thought he was insane to send me home when he did, but he was right.


And yes, I did say that to his face today 🤣😂


He very carefully checked me over, with minimal prodding. My incision is healing fantastically apparently.

He removed the first set of steri-strips, replaced them with a mere two, and has given me orders to clean the area with hydrogen peroxide solution twice a day.

Yes Sir, Dr. Witkowski *salutes sharply*

I am doing exactly what he tells me, because as far as I am concerned, this man is my hero. He has given me a life.

I saw my pathology reports. My insides were indeed a mess. Endometriosis, Adenomyosis, my tubes blocked and scarring up the wazoo.

Most tellingly was my cervix, which was still flagging abnormal cells. But he is confident that he got it all. There’s no need to worry (direct quote there).

He is glad he took everything away. Looks like I was at risk of developing cervical cancer later but no cancer of any sort detected anywhere at all. So all good there.

He wants to see me again in two weeks. The six week ban on all things remains in place, and I am to continue gradually increasing my exercise levels.

Oh, and I’ve lost three pounds.

And only 0.5lb of that was interval organs!!!

I’m counting that as a win!!!

*After sadly breaking a cool one of mine mumble

Insert Clever Title Here

So, I have been home 24 hours.

Momma is amazing and is (as I hoped knew) whipping my children into shape. She brooks no crapulence* and the Tiny Tyrant doesn’t seem to have realised what has hit her!!!

(I’m not loving it at all oh no 😂🤣)

Things That Have Been Achieved:

  • She has sorted out my house – and I am so grateful. It’s hard to see the wood from the trees with small people underfoot. It wasn’t a mess when she arrived, but there is now significant organisation!
  • She has pushed the children’s respective bedtimes back by an hour – and they are not waking up earlier!!!!
  • TT’s tantrums and attempts at manipulating Mommy-Nanny (her name for my mom) are mostly met with a raised eyebrow or a laugh – and the affront is hilarious
  • #1 Son is eating new things! I cannot begin to describe the relief. Today as a “just got home from school” snack he ate three rounds of cheese spread and turkey ham sandwiches and then at dinner time ate: pasta (plain with some butter and grated cheese), cucumber, and chopped up frankfurters. Okay, he didn’t eat the carrot but we didn’t expect any so this is amazing!!! TT will eat regular food if she isn’t distracted, but this is such an amazing occurrence.

Basically, as my Mothership has seen it all before and hasn’t lived with them, (and therefore beyond the SEN concerns with #1 Son) doesn’t have my “tried it, it won’t work” fears, we are losing nothing by trying. And really its mostly TT – #1 Son is a good boy at heart and not a demon wearing human skin 😂🤣

Today I have managed to get up and have a little wander four times. The remaining post-surgical wall has been breached** and I have only taken two doses of Motrin and one of Percocet (and if it continues this well, I have hopes of not finishing my Percocet prescription.)

I learned a lot from my laparoscopies, and the main thing was DON’T BLOODY OVERDO IT

So, as yet I have picked up nothing heavier than my phone, the 3DS or the Switch. I have attempted to knit/crochet through the power of my mind, but sadly my powers of telekinesis remain dormant.

I also have only napped in two 1-hour stretches as I want to sleep at night!

I received this beautiful bouquet from my in laws today:

Flowers

THANK YOU 😘😘😘😘😘

And my knitting group have banded together to bring me meals every so often over the next week or so – home cooked at that! Tonight’s was vegetarian lasagne and this confirmed carnivore thought it was delicious 👍🏻

*My Daddy coined that term in a phone call earlier this week 😂🤣

**This is my polite way of indicating I managed a #2

Home again, home again

So, I have been discharged and am safely snuggled in my own bed.

I can’t say I’m 100% comfortable but I have 19/20 Percocet pills left (which I am only taking before attempting a stretch of sleep) and Motrin, which appears to simply be extra strong ibuprofen, so we have that too.

The kids were thrilled to see me 😊 well #1 Son has been asking what he can do to help me 💕💕 (I’ve told him that helping Nanny is best).

The beam I got from TT was worth it, though she soon stopped speaking to me when she realised I can’t pick her up.

Unimpressed toddler is unimpressed.

Today (Wednesday) marked 100 days at school for the year for #1 Son, which is apparently a thing to celebrate over here, so they were to go into school looking 100.

The facial expression seems apt, even though it was based on “not wanting to go to school because he wanted mommy”


Oh, and that TT had dared to start eating breakfast before him…


He wanted to visit today, but it was snowing heavily, an early release from school day, and I was being discharged anyway, so daddy distracted him with The Lego Batman Movie and brought me home.

Tackling those stairs was not fun, so I will not be booking my follow up early. (I need to see Dr. Witkowski on Tuesday or Wednesday of next week).

The cat has been the one to jump on my belly, and appears most affronted that she got almost flung across the room for that cuddle attempt.

I’m going to go to sleep now, adieu dear audience.

Day Two?

Or is it three? My counting might be off. This is certainly Day 3 in hospital. And I might just be going home today.

I’m a little apprehensive about that – but only because I’ve been liking having a motorised bed.

So, yesterday was spent in a fug of dozing, sipping liquids, attempting food, and having meds.

I’ve (at the nurse’s suggestion) cut back my Oxycodone to one 5mg tablet every four hours, which coupled with Tylenol every six is keeping me tolerably comfortable. And it means my prescription of Oxy will last a bit longer, giving me more time to heal.

As previously stated, this is not pain free. But it’s working. And I get to keep my support band thing thank the gods.

By my reckoning I am coming up to the 36 hours past where the belly tap should have worn off so this is a good sign.

The nurses here are amazing. No, really they are. I’m on the Mother and Baby ward and so I’m a little bit of an oddity and I’m being looked after so well.

Yesterday there was a really sweet High School student doing work shadowing, and she was so happy and bubbly. She was telling me all about how much she loves kids and the M&B ward. And we bonded over how we both swallow tablets


Sip of water, tablet in mouth, snap head back to swallow


Which apparently everyone in her family consider weird – so I’ve told her to say it’s the British way 😂🤣

So I think I was a bit of interest in her day. Overall I haven’t heard many babies, I think twice we’ve had “I am a new person and I am angry” levels of noise, and some of what sounded like hyped up older children visiting, but I’m in my own side room so I don’t disturb them and vice versa.

Food still isn’t interesting me much. I had a good breakfast yesterday:

I ate it all. I plan on re-ordering it today and hoping there’s tinned peaches today rather than the banana.

Lunch I think I was too optimistic – I ate my corn, half my chicken breast and my chocolate ice cream. Ignored my baked potato.

So for dinner I just went with chicken noodle soup and the ice cream. I’m keeping well hydrated with ice water and apple juice and nibbling on graham crackers so I’m not worried.

And it’s not like I couldn’t afford to lose a few pounds 😂🤣

TMI ALERT


I still haven’t pooped though. But considering how little I’m eating overall I’m not too worried yet.


I went for a short walk yesterday which is great progress. Getting up and down still hurts like anything, but moving around is beginning to become easier.

Okay, time to order food, as I actually feel hungry 🙀

Day One Post-Op

Well, it went as well as could be expected 🙂

It’s 3am but I can’t sleep so I thought I might as well post an update.

This is me waiting to go down to surgery. Please note the fetching hospital gown.

I was in theatre for roughly four hours – which was longer than they expected. I’ve briefly seen my surgeon (I was very out of it) and he confirmed that going through my belly was the correct thing to do – apparently there were many adhesions.

I am not shocked by this.

They didn’t initially give me a support band, and I was in a lot of pain – it’s been a long time since I cried from it, but they gave me a belly block and my band and that helps. I was then moved up to a room on the antenatal ward – all gynae-related surgeries are up here.


The irony of this is not lost on me 😂🤣


Pain free is sadly not an option. They started me off on Percocet 6 hourly but that was not doing it for me, so they’ve split it out into Oxycodone and Tylenol. I’ve just had my Tylenol so am staying awake for the next 20 min so they can do my obs then hopefully I can get some more sleep.

I’m doing better than I expected though. I’ve been up and about – briefly shuffled to the bathroom and back. They will be trying that again in a couple of hours.

I’ve been drinking so well that they’ve unhooked my IV fluids – though it’s still in my wrist. On my dominant hand. Goddamn bad veins!

I ate some dinner:

I had a nibble of the toast (too much for me) but I did eat all my raspberry ice.

I dislike saltines intensely, but my lovely night shift nurse has found me Graham crackers which are infinitely preferable. Also iced apple juice.

They are planning on removing my catheter soon!!!

Coughing hurts like a bitch and it’s amazing how much you use your abdomen.

My middle shift nurse thinks I’ll be home by Thursday. Which is good. Hopefully I will see my doctor man tomorrow and he can give more concrete information.

Mom is holding down the fort (thanks Momma!) and the hus-creature will be staying with me here and utilising hospital wi-Fi to do some work tomorrow and Wednesday.

He’s not staying with me overnight because we both feel the kidlets need to see at least one parent (and poor mom needs a break!)

She sent me a picture of #1 Son being a ninja 💕💕💕

We’ve decided not to bring the kids to visit because I’m in too much pain and the risk of them clambering over me is too high. Also, I don’t want to scare them.

I’m missing them like crazy though.

Right, now I shall attempt more sleep. I might be allowed a shower tomorrow!!!