It’s the differences that hurt

I started writing this post in late May this year. Mostly to quietly vent. I’m not sure if I ever intended to publish it. But I feel I should. It’s important to be honest, with myself as well as everyone else.


I’ve been ruminating on this post for a while, and I suspect that it will be a good few days in the writing before I hit the publish button to be honest.

We all know that I have my two kidlets:

And

And I love them both to death. I do. I would both die and kill for these two. I have been a mama lion for #1 Son over the last year or so, and will continue to be for as long as he needs or wants me to be. But, can I admit something?

I get so tired.

It’s so hard. So so hard. And half the time at least it’s just not his fault or anything to do with him as himself. He continues to be one of the kindest, funniest, sweetest boys that anyone would be lucky to know.

But it’s his condition. It’s his disability (and I bloody loathe that word).

He is not a standard child. And this world is set up for the standard. For the “normal”. And everyone else is left to sink or swim.

TT is growing up. Every day it seems she does something new.

And she is blowing right past him

I don’t mean like for like now, at almost six he still ahead of her, but at their comparative ages she’s miles ahead.

  • She plays with toys.
  • She has proper imaginative play.
  • She is capable of playing on her own.
  • She wants to play with her brother. She idolises him if truth be known.
  • Her language skills are amazing
  • She has concepts such as sharing down. Admittedly mostly when they benefit her but she’s got them.
  • Milestones such as crawling, walking etc she already blew past him with.

There are more, so many more, but these are the ones that stick in my head.

It’s almost daily that I will look at the hus-creature and say:

He was never like this.

Or

He never did this/that.

And I wonder if he has somehow been short changed by my just not knowing that he was non-standard.

How did I not know? Well for a premature child and a boy, he was hitting all the relevant milestones within the age-appropriate ranges.

We didn’t see a problem until he first started formal schooling.

I worry for him. I worry about him. If I, as his mother, can get upset and frustrated


And I do, believe me I do


Then how will the rest of the world cope? How will he cope with it?!?!?


And that is where I stopped. I couldn’t carry it on.

I think my pain, worry, fear is quite obvious no? But, I’m pleased to say, that things are once again on the upswing.

He’s had a few knocks since the start of the school year. For example he started leaving class again, particularly after we got back from England. However that was two weeks ago, and he’s getting better.

I still haven’t had to visit the new Principal (which is great) and he’s making great strides in his reading, writing and math.

I’m just so proud of this kid.

He’s a trooper. He’s my best boy. And I will continue to be the Mamasaurus that he needs me to be.

He got that star in his first week and we have also had another since.

Back to normality

Well mostly. Tomorrow is a half day for #1 Son. I don’t know why. Just because I think.

He also gets Monday off next week because it’s Martin Luther King Day.

But the school system here has much shorter holidays and no “half terms” so I don’t begrudge the random days. It’s part of the reason I’m not rushing the work stuff.

While I still doubt my domestic goddessing skills, it is pleasant being home with the kids. I’m actually watching TT grow, and know I can take credit for her development rather than feeling guilt.

I do miss working, but I’m makes tentative steps to earn some pennies at home – but I’m still blocked by not having an SSN, which I can’t apply for until my permit is actually in my hands. We did however have confirmation today that this is actually in the post now!!!

W00t w00t!!!!

Yesterday #1 Son came home with this:

REACH Star? Wahey 😃😃😃😃

“Pirate mask”? 😫😫😫😫😫😫

He did not appreciate the bath and face (and chest) scrubbing he received in a vain attempt to remove them. He believed he was face painting. And apparently we cannot convince him that scented colouring markers are not the same as face paints 🙄🙄🙄

Today wasn’t as good. Apparently he refused to leave school (I know right? 🙀🙄) so our lovely J went in to get him.

His teacher believes that it is because he loves to play in the snow, but refuses to wear his boots, therefore his socks get wet. We are to provide either snow boots or spare socks.


He is convinced there are “bugs” in his current Wellington boots, and we cannot convince him otherwise.


 

I have been known to complain about the speed of USPS in comparison to good old Royal Mail. This was underlined today, when my Christmas present from my lovely sister in law (you may pick a blog nickname if you like lovely 😂🤣) finally arrived.

Worth. The. Wait.

A wonderful alpaca yarn sock knitting kit. With pattern, and new (wooden) needles and pettable, snuggleable alpaca yarn.

I was actually able to sit on the sofa and knit tonight. I am braving the hedgehog that is knitting in the round with double pointed needles to do this.

I think someone was jealous of my pettable yarn – she doesn’t normally sit on my lap like that 🤣😂

It knits up so fast too 💕💕💕

My other pair of socks has had to be shelved for now until I can replace the circular needle I was using – an unknown child snapped one of the needles 🙄


This pair of bloody socks is cursed I swear!


So at least I have a non-shawl project for tomorrow’s knitting class.

And TT? Well she has re-discovered crayons. And walls. Green crayon comes off of painted walls much easier than red or yellow.

Ask me how I know.

Bright side? Yellow is much harder to see at least 😢

Oh, and she found her pretty cloth nappies, which I hadn’t used since we moved, as they arrived by sea crate and I presumed she had outgrown them but couldn’t bear to part with them…

Well, she filled her bed with them, then waved one at me and insisted I put it on her.

Cue much running around the house shouting “Nappy. Yay”

So we will try them again during the day at least – she pees far too much at night!

After all, what else can you do with a sock and trouser refusing toddler?

Dresses and ruffled nappies!

I need a new diaper pail though.

So proud

So, the book fair has been and gone.

#1 Son came home with an impressive haul:

And pleasingly, he did not forget Happy. Happy is even still (mostly) white.

Tuesday is Art day and so he has returned from school today a fetching shade of blue. Maybe he was channeling his inner Smurf?

But more importantly for me, is the other thing he came home sporting:

Super Star

That’s right, TWO REACH STARS!!!!

In one day!!!!!

Honestly I could just burst with pride.

Unfortunately I don’t know exactly what he earned them for, as there was no journal sheet in his bag, and he is not the best at remembering anything but that doesn’t matter.

And not to be outdone, TT insisted on photobombing:

Another great day

For #1 Son.

I was more than a little surprised when I read his daily report sheet* yesterday and it was glowing, yet he did not have a REACH star sticker, but I shrugged it off.

But our lovely J handed me one this morning that he must have peeled off of his t-shirt.

So I have recorded it in our “Folder of Awesome”

He has six now, which is one per month, with two scored in October and two already for this month – IN ONE WEEK!!!!

I could just burst with pride and happy. I know we are nowhere near the end of the war, but for now at least, it feels like we are winning.

*His teacher created a daily checklist of his academic centres and puts stickers on the ones he completes. She also writes me a daily report of good and bad – did I mention the woman is a saint?

Health Update

So, I’ve had another Zoladex stabbing today.

Going to a specific gynaecology practice made the experience marginally more pleasant.

It still hurt like a bastard, but much less bleeding and (so far) no bruising.

Hysterectomy is still not booked, but I do have a colposcopy booked for 29th November, which happens to be the same day as #1 Son’s Parent-Teacher conference, but thankfully the appointments do not overlap.

It just means that the hus-creature will need to work from home that day.

I earned geek cred with a lovely RN at the clinic for wearing this t-shirt:

She is a fellow GoT geek and we chatted a lot about Season 7 twists and turns.

NO SPOILERS!!!!

I was also wearing Hufflepuff socks, but I didn’t need to show ankles today…

Today was a hard day for #1 Son and we are awaiting an email from his teacher to explain why.

But he did come home sporting this:

So it clearly wasn’t all bad.

TT has spent the last 4+ hours inconsolable for random reasons and I am now counting down the minutes until bedtime.

It’s the little things

That make your heart sing.

We just had to rouse #1 Son for a toilet trip (if he doesn’t have a bedtime wee we will have an accident).

After telling daddy “no thank you” and trying to go back to sleep, we did the necessary.

I gave him a little cuddle, told him I loved him and the smile I got from him as daddy carried him back to bed just melted me.

I’m currently an emotional not-tent.

He also got another REACH sticker today which is two weeks in a row.

💗💗💗💗

A day unlucky for some

But not for us.

For today Friday the 13th October 2017 we have sold our house.

Yes that bloody Millstone that was hung around our neck’s since April yes, April finally belongs to someone else!!!!

I mean okay we have not yet actually received the funds from the sale yet. No more dealing with shitty conveyancers!!!

Please excuse me while I do a little dance in celebration. It might even be the squirmy happy puppy dance. (Which I’ve not done since I left the office).

We can buy a car!!!!!

#1 Son also had an excellent day.

He received today’s REACH Star For doing his writing work without complaint and generally being awesome.

Yes I know the shirt is too small he insisted on wearing it and quite frankly I’m not sure I’m going to bother washing it before getting rid of it.

(Ok that’s a lie, but it was fun to consider however briefly 😂🤣)

Got to speak to his teacher today because our lovely J was unable to pick him up from school due to a previous appointment. And the lovely teacher confirmed that he has improved greatly, and she is very very pleased with him.

Yes we got our normal ice cream. Yes both children were a giant mess at the end of it. They had fun. I’ve even bought some very expensive oatmeal pouches to try and tempt TT into actually eating breakfast. Standby for the results on that one dear audience.

Oh and before I forget my wonderful boy and I had a conversation about Christmas. He was explaining to me how it was very important that J, her partner, and her two children, (and especially the baby) should have Christmas presents from us this year.

(It was hilarious that he referred to J’s partner as her dad because he knew him to be the baby’s dad. I did explain)

😂🤣😂

I forgot how literal a child’s view of the world can be.

But the best part of this conversation was the discussion about him giving the baby his toys and perhaps most importantly a previous favourite toy. He explained to me how he felt it was important that toys that were less favourite should go to other children.

No I’m not crying you’re crying. Or maybe someone is cutting onions in here. Just proves what a wonderful sweet boy he really is. And finally on the way home he asked to go to the park unfortunately his sister had other ideas (in the nappy area) so we played outside once we got home. Our lovely downstairs neighbour H said that we were able to use her grandson’s outside toys as and when.

So I managed to capture this:

See Saw

They can be so gosh darned cute when they want.

💕💕💕💕💕💕

Our week

Actually improved significantly.

He was not sent home from school again.

Wednesday he decided to start practicing his makeup artistry skills:

Apparently it’s just amazing what you can do with markers these days dahlink 😂🤣

And on Thursday he had a brilliant day:

I was (and am) so darn proud. He says he earned it for being great at lunchtime, which is a trigger point for him.

Apparently he felt that Friday went less well, and he did leave his class a few times without telling the teacher. But he is apparently building a hideaway of some kind in the classroom next door which is helping so it’s a work in progress.

Thursday was also the Fall Gathering for parents of Kindergarteners and parents of children new to Melrose.

So we fit on both counts.

I even tried to not embarrass my kids by dressing up a wee bit:

I was informed by my daughter that it was “pitty” even though there is a distinct lack of cats or unicorns 😂🤣

There was pizza and games and loads of his classmates. It was really fun.

TT made friends, danced a lot and gave me a heart attack. I kept an eye on her constantly, but I turned around to answer a question and she was gone – she had headed over to the pizza table in a blink of an eye. Panic didn’t cover it!!!

#1 Son had fun, though did get a bit overwhelmed.

They even played together a little:

In TT news, she turned 21 months yesterday and prior to this immense milestone has learned to jump properly, can identify the colour yellow and did her first ever poo on the potty.

She’s growing up.

Also embracing her inner cat 😂🤣

Today we have gone out for lunch after the hus-creature spent the morning assembling (yet more) Ikea furniture.

As a brief aside, he loathes Ikea, but they redeemed themselves by selling giant cuddly sharks.

Yes, the shark is bigger than the toddler 😂🤣

And no, daddy did not forget #1 Son

I am planning on Sharpie-ing a big A on the label of hers!!!!

So TT’s room now contains all relevant furniture and so this afternoon and tomorrow The Great Toy Unpacking ™ will commence.

Standby for much swearing and possible weepage.

So today’s lunch was not at a fast food joint. It is possible to get sick of burgers and chips.

I had this:

I have been craving a jacket potato and this was perfect.

Well except for TT stealing the choice bits. Well at least she ate something?

I have started my Mystery Knit Along and am up to Row 3.