I started writing this post in late May this year. Mostly to quietly vent. I’m not sure if I ever intended to publish it. But I feel I should. It’s important to be honest, with myself as well as everyone else.
I’ve been ruminating on this post for a while, and I suspect that it will be a good few days in the writing before I hit the publish button to be honest.
We all know that I have my two kidlets:
And I love them both to death. I do. I would both die and kill for these two. I have been a mama lion for #1 Son over the last year or so, and will continue to be for as long as he needs or wants me to be. But, can I admit something?
I get so tired.
It’s so hard. So so hard. And half the time at least it’s just not his fault or anything to do with him as himself. He continues to be one of the kindest, funniest, sweetest boys that anyone would be lucky to know.
But it’s his condition. It’s his disability (and I bloody loathe that word).
He is not a standard child. And this world is set up for the standard. For the “normal”. And everyone else is left to sink or swim.
TT is growing up. Every day it seems she does something new.
And she is blowing right past him
I don’t mean like for like now, at almost six he still ahead of her, but at their comparative ages she’s miles ahead.
- She plays with toys.
- She has proper imaginative play.
- She is capable of playing on her own.
- She wants to play with her brother. She idolises him if truth be known.
- Her language skills are amazing
- She has concepts such as sharing down. Admittedly mostly when they benefit her but she’s got them.
- Milestones such as crawling, walking etc she already blew past him with.
There are more, so many more, but these are the ones that stick in my head.
It’s almost daily that I will look at the hus-creature and say:
He was never like this.
He never did this/that.
And I wonder if he has somehow been short changed by my just not knowing that he was non-standard.
How did I not know? Well for a premature child and a boy, he was hitting all the relevant milestones within the age-appropriate ranges.
We didn’t see a problem until he first started formal schooling.
I worry for him. I worry about him. If I, as his mother, can get upset and frustrated
And I do, believe me I do
Then how will the rest of the world cope? How will he cope with it?!?!?
And that is where I stopped. I couldn’t carry it on.
I think my pain, worry, fear is quite obvious no? But, I’m pleased to say, that things are once again on the upswing.
He’s had a few knocks since the start of the school year. For example he started leaving class again, particularly after we got back from England. However that was two weeks ago, and he’s getting better.
I still haven’t had to visit the new Principal (which is great) and he’s making great strides in his reading, writing and math.
I’m just so proud of this kid.
He’s a trooper. He’s my best boy. And I will continue to be the Mamasaurus that he needs me to be.
He got that star in his first week and we have also had another since.