The aftermath

So. I am home.

Before leaving TT and I made matching hair:

Which cheered me up.

The lady who rang me was really pleased to see me. I got a hug and a back rub, and told they were very happy I came.

I was confused.

She then helped me with my sock for over an hour.

I’m having issues with turning the heel and the pattern is written assuming use of Double Pointed Needles instead of Magic Loop on a circular needle so she asked if I would be coming on Wednesday to get more help.

And I want to.

Yet five hours ago I was sobbing and heartbroken.

My brain confuses me.

They gave me an out, in the sense that they asked if they should keep the cheque and I said yes.

It’s just, it’s local, some of the ladies seem nice. And it’s a good space to decompress and doesn’t involve large amounts of travel.

I don’t know.

I know I want to finish this sock. I was even taught how to knit and purl faster tonight.

I’m going to snuggle with the hus-creature, eat tacos, drink booze and watch The Walking Dead and not think for a bit.

Who I am

I am loud. I am boisterous. I am chatty. I am loving. I am neurotic. I am obsessive. I am weird. I am strange. I am brave. I am not as tough as I would like to be. If I love you I will go to the ends of the earth for you. I give people too much benefit of the doubt.

I am also too much for some people to handle.

In the nicest possible way I am being asked not to return to my Wednesday knitting group. No, honestly it was done very nicely. I have apparently been a bit too talkative and people want to just sit and knit and decompress.

They haven’t cashed my cheque from last week and have suggested I pay ad hoc for a few more sessions to see how it goes. They gave me suggestions on how I could fit in. I do believe that if I could manage them and be what they wanted that it could work.

But honestly? I won’t be able to change myself, I’ve tried before and it never sticks. Then I’ll either sit up there and not say anything but somehow make people uncomfortable with that, or I’ll forget and start chatting again and upset people.

So I have chatted to the hus-creature and my other bestest friend in the world and they have made me see that it’s not my fault, it’s just a bad fit.

So I’m going up tonight to finish the Magic Loop class I paid for (I do want to learn the technique) and then I think I shall collect my cheque, make noises about “holiday commitments” if asked and then not go back.

I am a square peg, and this class is a round hole. Its just not the correct place for me, and I should leave it to the round pegs who are settled and happy.

The hus-creature has already found a group called The Drunken Knitwits who meet in bars and knit and they meet on Monday’s. So I shall try that tomorrow (needs a Lyft) and report back.

I mean knitting and alcohol? What’s not to like?

I debated not writing this. I debated baring myself in this way. But nobody will be everyone’s cup of tea and that’s okay.

I am fish fingers and custard.

As long as being you doesn’t break laws, keep on being you.